Happily Ever After

Happily Ever After  

Lou dragged James out to the courtyard to shake some sense into him.  He trailed along behind like a puppet on broken strings, stumbling almost drunkenly to keep up with her and seemingly unaware of the damage he’d done.  Once in the shadows of her favorite poplar trees, far from the prying eyes of the other party guests, Lou paused to take hold of James’ shoulders and literally shook him.

“Are you insane?” she demanded to know, though she obviously had her own ideas on the subject.  “You’re throwing your life away!”

“So getting married ruins your life?” James shot back.  He shrugged her off.  “Then why the hell are you doing it?”

“Your brother and I – ”

“You and my brother are bloody idiots, same as everyone else here.”

Lou reached out to him again, only to be rebuked, none too gently.  “You don’t mean that.  You’re not thinking clearly, Jamsey.”

“Don’t call me that!” he barked, shoving her so roughly she stumbled in her fancy ball gown.  He felt sorry the minute he did it – God, she looked beautiful – but there was no turning back after this night.  He fought to reach some semblance of calm, then exhaled slowly.  “Adi’s good enough for me.  We work well enough.  Why shouldn’t she be my wife?”

“I…I just…”  Lou pursed her lips, willing him to look at her.  He wouldn’t.  There was a laundry list of reasons, the same reasons his father would be throwing at him soon enough.  Adrienne was tawdry.  Adrienne was loose.  Adrienne was a bad influence.  But Lou could almost overlook all that, if she thought James actually loved her enough to make that kind of commitment.  She sat heavily on a nearby stone bench, the cold seeping through the taffeta princess gown, and decided upon, “Adi was just never the kind of girl I pictured you marrying.”

“Oh, yeah?  Me neither,” he replied, snide.  “I always thought – always hoped – I’d find someone…”  He shook his head and turned back towards the party lights, letting the meaning linger between them.  He’d made it clear enough over the last few years, after he’d broken free of his awkward teen years, after he’d come to realize what a jerk his brother had been and how wonderful Louisa always was and certainly always would be.

“James,” she sighed, and she could say no more.  They both shivered at the sound of his name on her lips.

 For years, they’d been like siblings.  Lou and Al were in love; James was the third wheel, good for a laugh.  He and Lou had shared a similar taste in music, some favorite movies, jokes that went over other peoples’ heads.  He’d loved her like a sister, the way she’d always been fiercely protective of her almost-little-brother-in-law, and their bond had been something far above romance and attraction.

Until it wasn’t.  Until Al had let her go for about a year, and James had been happy to step into his place – not that Lou would have him.  Nothing came of his flirtations, his blunt honesty, his obvious declarations of affection.  And when nothing came of any of it, James went out and found Adrienne, who was everything Louisa wasn’t, and Lou managed to reconcile with Al.

Here they were, one week to Lou’s wedding, and James still couldn’t shake how he’d always felt.  A part of him never wanted to let this feeling go – the blind faith in Lou’s ability to see the good in him, this pure love borne of friendship, the giddiness that washed over him whenever Al announced that she would be spending the weekend with the family.  It was heartbreaking, anguishing, yet, all at the same time, absolutely wonderful.  Just like her.

“Don’t do it,” Lou said quietly, at long last, as the song changed inside.  Some of the revelers laughed together near a window, the tinkling of their joy mingling with the clink of liberally distributed champagne flutes.  “Please, James.  Don’t marry her.”

“You’re just upset that my engagement overshadows your wedding,” he snapped, feeling childish.

Lou squeezed her eyes shut, fighting off exasperation.  “No, James.”  She stood and gripped his arm, unable to draw his gaze from the twirling gowns inside.  “I’m worried about you, darling.  You know…”  She ran her hand up to his shoulder and ran gentle fingers over his tuxedo jacket.  “You know I love you,” she whispered.

James turned, catching her hands in both of his, an unbecoming mix of glee and desperation in his eyes.  “Then marry me, Lou,” he said, his voice low and urgent.  “We’ll go somewhere, somewhere nearby!  Tonight!  No one has to know until we’re happy, far and away from all this nonsense.”

“I love your brother.”

“You just said you loved me.  You admitted it, at last.”

She looked at him sadly.  “Not in the same way.”  She freed one of her hands to pat his cheek.  “You know that.  It’s Al.  It’s always been Al.”  Even she couldn’t ignore the note of wheedling reassurance in her voice.

“I know,” he said quietly.  He laced his fingers with hers and leaned into the palm on his cheek, closing his eyes to savor the private moment together.  “I know I’m acting like a child.”

“No,” Lou said surely, a small smile on her lips.  “Like a young man who knows what he wants.  Like a man who’s a little lost, granted, but who knows where he’s going.”

He opened his eyes.  “I’m going away from you.  I’ll have to.  Directly after the wedding.”         

“Don’t, James.”

“I have to.  I’ll take Adi and we’ll run away, somewhere.”

“But I need you,” she said.  “I need you here, to help me with your family, your friends.  No one else understands as much about me as you do.  You’re probably the best friend I’ve ever had.”

He tried not to wince.  “Thanks, Lou.  I know.  As always, you’re right about everything.”

“Good boy.”  She offered him some semblance of a genuine smile and took his face in both her hands, until he gave a fleeting smile in return.  He would do what he wanted, she knew.  And she had a bad feeling about whatever that meant.  But he was as she’d said – a grown man – and she couldn’t keep him under her thumb, no matter how badly she wanted to. 

On tiptoe, Lou leaned over and kissed James’ forehead, lingering there far longer than was proper.  She didn’t argue when, as she tried to move away, he wrapped his hands around her wrists to keep her in place and rested his forehead against hers, his shaky breathing mingling with the steady rhythm of her beating heart.  A light breeze rattled through the tree branches, sending the leaves quivering in anxiety overhead and shadows skittering across the pair.

Lou didn’t think; she acted.  She moved her hand to the back of his head and brought his lips to hers, throwing her other arm around his beck and kissing him for all she was worth.  She pressed her body against his and urged him to embrace her in return, satisfied by the feel of one arm around her waist, the other across her back and gripping her shoulder, holding on like his life depended on it.  His lips, moving against hers, were so alien, so foreign.  He tasted differently than Al, like excitement, and whiskey and water, and something sweet and fresh.  Lou hadn’t kissed another man in over a decade.  Feeling another cling to her, mind, body, and soul, was exhilarating.

I’m sorry.  She realized too late, as she pushed away and let her eyes flicker to his before running for the security of the crowd, that she hadn’t said it aloud.  Instead, she wiped hastily at the tears that threatened to spill onto her cheeks and turned her back on him, only giving one slight shake of the head to communicate everything she felt.  She didn’t know what she felt.  She could offer him no more.

And James, left standing under the poplars after the ambush, could only watch her go, back to the dazzling lights of that glittering world of his, while he turned his eyes heavenward to admire the stars.